


Someone Give Leonard McCoy Patience

by Aureiya



Series: A Multitude of Polyships [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Fluff and Crack, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, Polyamory, Polygamy, T'hy'la, innuendos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 12:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4828532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aureiya/pseuds/Aureiya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bones thinks Kirk and Spock are together. Kirk and Spock are each trying to flirt with Bones and woo him. Shenanigans ensue.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Someone Give Leonard McCoy Patience

**Author's Note:**

> Ok it's midnight, forgive if the writing is bad, and the plot is sorta off from what I wanted so oops. But I was thinking about Spock snarky responses to Earth idioms. And this sorta happened?? Enjoy!

When Doctor Leonard McCoy saw the newest medical log- along the lines of:

(Captain James T Kirk  
&  
First Officer Spock of Vulcan

Filed under: Bonded by form of Vulcan ritual t'hy'la- information vital to mating practices; file under Pon Farr)

He had decided that he would not be jealous, or upset, or angered in anyway. They probably would get around to telling him themselves. And really his own feelings for the two, especially that hot hobgoblin, were irrelevant and could be pushed aside. 

Except. 

They never told him. 

Bones was the loyal friend as always, at the side of the Captains chair giving advice or berating Jim, having arguments with Spock that weren't so malicious as they once were, constantly worrying over the two when they went planet side on a mission. 

But they never mentioned the bond. 

Leonard McCoy was a smart man, he went to medical school, he was one of the best doctors damnit. 

He knew they couldn't not know what they were to each other. So why wouldn't they tell him. No way would one be ashamed of practically soul mates. Or did they think him intolerant? But their behavior never changed; Jim's ridiculous flirting never stopped, if Bones had to guess he'd say it had gotten worse.  
_____________________________

If there was a God may he send patience to one Leonard McCoy. 

"Damn kid, you certainly got us into a pickle didn'ya?" He remarked trying to patch up Spock's injured arm from negotiations gone bad, also trying to monitor Jim's vitals as he still argued planet side to bring the talks back to peace. But without his level headed companion it was heating up and the ship was stationary in its closed dock. 

"That is highly illogical remark doctor, we are not in any such vinegar based vegetable." Was the only response Bones received as he watched Kirk's heartbeat spike as he started to run and dodge phaser blasts. 

Damn these two.  
________________________________

Perhaps a goddess that could bless him?

"Hey Booonesss, I'd like to lick your lollipop." Said the heavily flirtatious voice of one James Kirk from Leonard's office doorway. He could hear Chapel choking in the background of the infirmary. 

Sighing deeply and steadying for whatever probably erotic scene before him, He looked up. And their all jaunty hip and waggling eyebrows was Jim, his tongue licking a lollipop just as he had said. 

God that kid had a mouth for sex. 

But ever the worried doctor-friend Leonard "Bones" McCoy did not react to that come on with an offer of a giant lollipop he could put his mouth to better use on instead asked:

"What the devil are you eating?"

"Something Spock have to me." Was Kirk's reply, and there was the ice water for his arousal. Of course he's gotten something so sexual from his bonded partner, Bones wondered if he'd already used that line, and maybe that's why hips lips were so spectacularly red today. 

"And Spock made sure there was nothing you were allergic to in it?" He checked, always a pro with his facade. 

Kirk's pout was growing by the second. 

"Please like he'd give me something dangerous."

And what was that implying? The bubble of jealousy and hurt was larger this time but as always left to simmer away hidden. 

"Get outta my office before I hypo you." He growled at Jim who huffed and swung his hips as he walked away, something Leonard McCoy of course did not watch.  
______________________________

"Dr. McCoy perhaps you could assist me for a moment?" Was the ever polite Spock coming figuratively knocking. Of course he never knocked, and his hands were clasped as always behind his back. 

Damn that lithe and strong figure. 

"What is it Spock?" The ever giving Leonard McCoy responded genially. 

The half-Vulcan hesitated before coming deeper into the office as though for a private matter. Leonard was immediately intrigued. 

"I seem to be having strange feelings in my hands, a slight pain." Oh was that all. Bones pulled a tricorder and came around the desk to scan the green tinted, beautifully long fingered hands. 

"I'm sure it's just cramps from typing away at your science consul all day." McCoy reported, choosing to pretend he couldn't see the slight flush at his reprimand. 

"You should probably massage your hands to loosen and relax the muscles." a simple enough diagnosis he thought, going back to work until-

"Perhaps... would you be able to show me doctor?" Spock asked quietly. And there was no denying his green ears and cheeks this time. 

McCoy was confused, but nevertheless came back around to Spock and took one of the slender hands in his own rough ones, not hearing the slight gasp at his action. 

"See you just go like this." The doctor said, beginning to rub the palm and circle the soreness out of the hand, he only came to a stop when Spock's other hand shakily came up to pause his. Looking at the half-Vulcan, he could see his entire face was deeply flushed, his eyes bright and his mouth slightly open. He seemed struck by something. 

And suddenly from the recesses of Bones mind did the important fact pop up: do not touch Vulcan hands. A frisson of surprise and shock went through the doctor and he quickly stepped away wrenching their hands apart. 

"God damnit Spock I'm sorry; just get out of here, I didn't mean... go find Jim he'll help you." And McCoy kept his back turned away, not seeing the disappointment and shame on the hobgoblins face, and not showing the tears wanting to come from his own eye.  
______________________________

He was going to drag James Kirk once again to his physical. He first had to find the man, and he was lucky enough to find his door to his quarters propped. But before knocking a voice streamed out to him. 

"Hey Bones, I think you're scared of spaceships because you're scared of falling from Heaven again." And Leonard McCoy was no angel so he was about to burst into the room demanding how Kirk knew he was in the hallway when another voice spoke seriously. 

"James..."

"Oh come now Spock you can't tell me it was that bad, I mean you-" he was cut off again by the stoic. 

"I do not think these techniques are working at wooing. "  
Bones felt ice settle in his gut. Who were they trying to woo?

"Hey now Spock, don't start giving up yet. Bones hasn't told us to back off or anything, he's probably interested." His spine felt like it was tingling up and down now. They were trying to woo him???

There was a long silence, with some ruffling of paper from one of James classic books and the shifting of weight as someone sitting down. Perhaps they were sitting together now. 

"Look, Spock. I knew we said we would hold out on us and feelings and all that shit tell we figured out if Bones liked either of us, but maybe we should just... focus on our relationship now." Jim sounded sad, resigned, and a little weary. Bones hated it. 

Before Spock could get more than a "T'hy'la..." out in reply, one Leonard McCoy had come bursting into the room. Finally all that simmering anger was bubbling out. 

"Please do not tell me you two were putting off the perfect relationship you could ever have- for me!" He berated the two men sitting at the end of the bed, who were frozen in shock. 

"Especially you Spock!" Bones said pointing at the half-Vulcan, "you must surely understand the depth of your connection together and yet you're squandering it for a piece of worn out shit like me?!" Jim looked livid at that but Bones silenced him with a look. Spock however he let talk. 

"That's what one does for love." Was the reply. 

And Leonard McCoy was still. The two on the bed still looked up at him in trepidation. But he was struck dumb. 

"Love?" He choked out. The two idiots nodded. 

Jim quickly came to hug him before he could resist. 

"We've been trying to get your attention for months- but you were so resisting!" He exclaimed. 

Bones pushed him back still in awe. 

"You know a medical report goes to the chief medical officer when some sort of bonding happens if it may affect health?" He asked sounding calm. Spock paled and Jim looked abashed. 

"Leonard we never intended-" Spock started, embarrassed they had screwed up so bad. 

But Bones just shook his head. 

"If yall are so serious I believe you have some making up to do." He stated. 

Jim smirked. 

"Oh Doctor, do you want to come in our bed tonight?"  
______________________________ 

Doctor Leonard is a smart man, who with his medical degree is able to pull grown men's heads out their asses so they can all enjoy in the royalty requited love around them. 

Yet he still was never blessed with patience for those grown idiots.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. Leave kudos for my poor soul


End file.
